Random Blahs

Hi, y'all!

Well, this will be my first post for the month of May! Gaaah! Life's been fast paced don't yah think? We're almost halfway through the year 2017 and yet I'm still stuck with this boring office life. You know what? If I only have a choice, I would've left this job a long time ago. But as of now, I don't have any other options aside from pursuing my dreams of becoming a full-time writer. BUT! Right now, I think it's not the time yet to settle my life for that. Well, unless I get married and the husband agreed and approved upon of me staying at home and doing something I like while I take care of him. LOL! It is the romantic life I always daydreamed about.

But real life sucks and I have to face it. I do not have that husband who loves me so fucking much he can't live without me in his life and understands my passion for writing. I have to earn a fucking living to provide for myself. But hey, I'm not saying I only want a husband so there is someone to support me financially. I still want to work tho becos, how could I use all those lovely lipsticks and makeup I bought if I don't go to work, right? It's the only struggle I think about being a housewife. I don't think I can ever touch makeup if I'm mostly at home and will just probably use it if I go outside to make some errands or something. It's not the same as putting on the makeup or lipstick every day for work. Unless I'd put on some makeup while I do the household chores, take care of the kids and writing a novel. Haha! I can't imagine that... is there a woman who does that? Like for real? I don't know anyone who does that.

But I don't really know. The only reason for me to decide to be a stay-at-home-wife (housewife) is if the husband can provide for the family enough that it doesn't require for me getting a job also. But then, being a writer pays too. It just isn't enough unless I become popular and a best-selling one.

So what to do? I think about these things a lot as if I have a boyfriend to marry. LOL! Well, it ain't bad thinking about my future, right?

Dear Future Husband,

I'd left the decision on you. What do you think is the best for both of us and to our future family? Lels.

Maybe I...

I know I am not in love with him. Well, maybe I like him too much because if I don’t, then I’d not wait for him to text me or message me. Or get excited whenever he message me.

I don’t know why but I miss having conversations with him. He’s not even the type of man I wanted to end up with. But he makes me smile with all the silly and cute gestures he did to me.  And I’m fucking sad whenever he ignores me when I know he’s on line. Like I always need his attention.

I wish I know how to ignore him like he ignores me NOW. Maybe he doesn't really mean what he told me before. And I can fucking feel it.

I don’t want to assume things between us because at some point, I know we ain’t gonna see each other. We’re so miles apart.

I want to forget all these silly feelings he made me feel because I don’t want to get hurt in the end. And I always get hurt in the end with men I start to like.

Damn it.

Minsan Napapaisip Ako

Hey there! Yessss it's been a while. As usual, tinamad na naman akong mag-post. Wala akong year-ender blog. 2016 was the year na ang tamad-tamad kong mag-blog. Ewan ko ba. Since magkaroon ng Instagram, medyo nawalan na ako ng gana mag-blog. Haha! Eh kasi naman parang doon ko na rin ginagawa yung mga gusto kong i-blog. Kahit nga tumblr account ko di ko na nabubuksan.

Anyway, since 2017 na kelangang magkaroon ng laman ang blog na ito. Marami naman akong gustong ikuwento kaya lang parang masyadong personal kasi para i-share ko pa dito.

Hell-O 2016!

As usual, this is a late post again. What do you expect? I'm lazy asf. LOL. whatever. Anyway, since it has been a habit of mine to post a "Hello January" entry every new year, I feel obligated to make something for this year also. But I actually do not know what to say in here. I'm running out of topics or issues to discuss.

Okay, let me start with... what happened to me in 2015?

I can pretty much say that the good things that had happened to me the past year were:

1) I got two published books for 2015. My third novel in PHR was released January 14 last year and the fourth one was released in July. For me, that's really something. I only get a book release once in a year. So having two novels published in a year is an achievement for me. LOL!

2) Losing weight is one of the biggest struggles for me. And last year, I was able to enroll myself on the gym, particularly trying boxing and I can say that I did lose some weight. Not much though. But! If you see how I look years ago, then you would say that I indeed succeed in shedding some weight. That's another MILESTONE for me! The only problem now is I gained some KILOS (shucks!) when I took a break from the gym for two months! two-freaking-months! what the hell?! Anyway, yeah. So I have to be back to the gym NOW.

3) For someone who doesn't know me personally and I rarely discuss this topic with my friends, I actually love it when we have bible studies in our house. I crave for enlightenment. I crave for God's words and I hope to learn more about the bible, about Him, our Lord Jesus Christ. I wish to understand the bible more. I'm really happy when we have bible study in our house every week.

4) If you guys follow my blog, you probably read about my struggle with acne. That had been the worst moment of life. But last year, my cousin helped me in achieving an acne-free skin. Would love to share my secret if you also have acne problems like me in the past years. I now have clear skin and almost everyone is so envious of how smooth and clear my face is. And because I now have a clear skin, I get to wear makeup once again! YAY! I feel confidently beautiful with a heart! :)

5) Sometime in 2012, I found out that I have endometrioma and to cure the cyst in both my ovaries, my menstruation would have to stop so I was advised to take DMPA shots. But since the cyst in my right ovary was not responding to the DMPA, my OB decided that she have to remove the cyst so we can save my ovaries and so I could have the chance to bear a child when I decided in having one. In 2013, I had partial oophorectomy , a surgery in which my doctor and her team removed a cyst in my right ovary. Thank god, I still have a part of my right ovary! The left ovary is still intact. Though, the cysts were removed, I still have to go with the DMPA shots which would stop my menstruation cycle. For three years, I haven't been having my period. I think that is one of the reasons why I have bad acne problems for years. LOL. Anyway, last year, my OB advised me to shift from DMPA shots to taking birth control pills. She said I have to strive in finding a boyfriend with whom I can make a baby with. knowing that I am already in my late twenties, my doctor wants me to get pregnant as soon as possible. She tells me that every time we meet. As if that's easy. :/ I don't know. So after taking the pills, I finally have periods again. And I believe that also helps in clearing up my skin. After taking the pills for months, the acne breakouts were gone. I just hope my boobs will get bigger. They say birth control pills make your boobs bigger.

6) I became obsessed with ONE OK ROCK. I never thought I could fangirl another group aside from Arashi and TVXQ. Having two fandoms is a hard task, much more when you have another group to fangirl over. But no regrets. I love OOR and I'm crazy over Takahiro Moriuchi so that's fine. And I'm going to see them perform live next week! YASSS!

7) I haven't finished any novel last year. I lost my drive and I have not gained it back yet. Hopefully, this month I will be able to start a new novel. Wish me luck!

RESOLUTIONS & PLANS FOR 2016...?

Nothing much really. I'm not the type who do this kind of things because I believe I can never fulfill it. LOL whatever. I just hope that I can finish a novel this year. One novel for this year is enough. And I really have to be back to the gym because I want to be as hot as fuck as Candice Swanepoel! I WISH!

This entry is getting long~oops sorry! till next time! :D

Happy New Year!

"Aka-chan" ♥

Hey, guys!! As usual, nawala na naman ako sa blogsphere. Lels. It's November already!!!

Anyway, there's nothing much to say naman. Aside from I got myself a new laptop! Yay for me! And huhu for my savings. Actually, there was not in my plan to purchase a laptop last Friday. Biglaang shopping lang `yun. I was just going to canvass a laptop since humingi ako ng opinion sa dalawang kaibigan ko. Yes, I really wanted to have a laptop of my own. The one I was using was my sister's at medyo nakakaasar na kasing gamitin `yun. Not sure if I've talked about it here before, pero isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako tinatamad magsulat, eh, dahil sa laptop ng ate ko. Nakakainis kasing gamitin. So going back to the laptop I bought last Friday, nagtitingin-tingin lang ako sa SM Cyberzone sa Cubao ng laptop no'n hanggang sa ma-entice ako sa Acer laptop na sinasabi ni ateng sales lady don sa Asianic. Sale sila nung araw na `yun. And I had my credit card with me that day. Before ako, mag-purchase,  I texted my mudra and ate to get their opinion. Sabi ni ate, kung kaya ko raw bayaran, edi go ako. Sabi naman ni mudra, para daw sipagin ako magsulat, I should go for it. So `ayun nga, hindi na ako masyadong nag-dalawang-isip. Affordable naman `yung lappy. I just have to sacrifice my budget for gym-ing. LOL! `Wag naman. Magagawa ko `yan ng paraan. Hehe.

So since I already got a new laptop, I wish and hope na mas ganahan na ako ngayong magsulat ng nobela. Imagine na kahit isang manuscript ay wala akong natapos ngayong taon na 'to? At matatapos na ang 2015! tsk tsk! I really need to write more novels and have more approved novels for next year! Hashtag ambisyosa. Oo. Kelangan talaga `yan. I have to earn and save money so I could go to Japan and to finally realize my dream of watching Arashi's concert. I'm not sure when that's going to happen, though. For now, all I have to do is work hard and save up! Ganbarre!

Anyway, here's my new laptop, which I would fondly be calling, "Aka-chan". Aka is a Japanese word for the color "Red". And it's obvious why I named my Acer Aspire ES14, "Aka-chan". LOL. So yeah, dear Aka-chan, let's make more novels and more money! I'm counting on you! Btw, I really had a hard time looking for a Purple laptop~ I've always wanted to have one since it's my favorite color in the world! But I guess for now, we are not meant to be. I just have to settle myself with a red one. Not bad naman, right? More than the black laptop with the same model, I like this one better.

Was testing this baby out that night, I was watching One Ok Rock's 'Living Dolls" live performance on Youtube.

It's cute isn't it? *smiles*

PS : Hindi pa rin ako binabayaran nung may utang sa akin. Sabi niya bago siya manganak. Eh ang lapit na niya manganak, nganga pa rin! Jusmio! Anyway, sana bayaran na ako `no! Pang ipon din sa Japan dreams ko `yun!

That's all!

PSS Sabi ko wala akong masyadong sasabihin pero ang haba na ng entry na `to! LOL!

Catching Up On Me (As If You're Interested.)

Hi guys!

Andami kong naiisip na ikuwento dito kaso kapag iba-blog ko na siya. Nawawala naman sa isip ko kung ano na yung dapat na isusulat ko dito. Anyway, I just want to update this blog. Wala lang. Nakaka-miss din naman kasi. Year 2013, ang sipag-sipag kong mag-blog. Biruin mong naka-93 posts ako that year? Iyon na na ang pinakamaraming entries ko dito sa ilang taon ko sa blogspot. Kahit wala naman masyadong relevance at walang sense, eh ang sipag kong mag-post. So, ano nga ba ang sasabihin ko? Okay lang naman siguro na mag-update ako rito ng kung ano-ano lang. Alam ko naman konti lang napapadpad dito. Lels.

So okay...let' start.

In the past months, I haven't written anything on the manuscript I was supposed to finish since the start of this year  (and I assume that people who follow this blog already knew about this because I've been saying this for a couple of times). I don't know, parang nawala talaga ako nang gana magsulat. I'd like to think na effect ito ng pagkahibang ko sa ONE OK ROCK lalo na kay Takahiro Moriuchi. LOL. I'm busy fangirling over them that I don't have time for something else. Iba talaga ang mag-fangirl, eh. Marubdob. Haha. Tanda ko noong nagsisimula pa lang ako sa Arashi, as in tinamad din ako magsulat no'n. Well, aside from the other issues I had before. At gano'n din no'ng 2011 when I was starting fangirling over Dong Bang Shin Ki (DBSK). Masyado akong busy sa fandom at puro sila ang inaatupag ko. Hehe. That's really not nice for my "writing" career, as if I have any. Chos. I have a few readers siguro. Mga less than ten. But I don't think they really follow me, or should I say follow my works. I'm not looking for or wanting fame or anything like that. I write because I wanted to. For self satisfaction, I guess? Since I was in my teens, I've always loved reading romance novels and I wanted to write one, someday. A few years later, I achieved that, it was a dream come true. At this point, I already have four published novels.

Ano pa ba ang gusto kong i-achieve bukod sa maging jowa si Taka? LOL. 

Pero ano nga ba ang punto ko rito? Hmm.. siguro, nawala na rin `yung drive ko magsulat since na-achieve ko na `yung pangarap na makapagsulat ng libro. Ang dami kong mga plano no'ng hindi pa ako nakakapag-publish ng libro. Gusto ko nang ganito, ganyan. Pero kapag inisiip ko ngayon, parang hindi ko siya kayang gawin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. I've always had self-doubt in my capabilities. Aside from that, I don't have enough time to write. I have a regular day job, 8am-5pm and kahit na i-try ko magsulat kapag nakauwi na ako sa bahay hindi ko na talaga keri. As in sabog na ang utak ko no'n at wala na akong maisip. At ngayon naman, I go to the gym every after work. Mas late na ako nakakauwi ng bahay, so for sure, wala na rin akong time magsulat pa on weekdays. Even on weekends, kasi I'm super busy. Tapos iyon nga, like I always said, nawawalan na talaga ako ng gana. Kahit nga magbasa ng libro kinatatamaran ko na rin. Dati ang sipag-sipag kong magbasa ng libro. Ngayon, wala. Nganga! If there's one thing I'd like to get back to, it's my passion for reading books. Nakaka-miss din naman talaga. I have lots of books on my to-read list and ang daming pending. Hindi lang yung mismong libro, pati ebooks ang daming kailangan ko nang basahin. I wish I could find time to read again. Hopefully. And yeah, at the back of mind, I still want to get back to writing. I don't think I've said it here before, I'm a contract writer of PHR since last year and siyempre nakakahiya rin naman na for this year, wala man lang akong kahit isang naipasang manuscript sa kanila. Kahit walang nag-aabang ng libro ko, masarap pa rin naman sa pakiramdam iyong may published kang libro. I guess, lahat naman ng writer o nangangarap maging published writer ay ganoon ang feeling. Well, hopefully, I could get my groove back. Makapagsimula ng isang bagong kuwento. Kahit hindi na muna `yung kay Yuan at Cassie. I'm not sure when it will happen, maybe next year? I wissshhhh!

Anyhoo...

Kung meron mang magandang nangyari sa akin so far, this year, it's the fact that I'm losing weight. Yaaaay! Magbunyi! It has been a struggle for me for years. Pero ngayong taon ko lang na-achieve. Haha! Nakakatuwa lang. And I love that I'm seeing good results from my hard work. Sobrang nakakapagod magpapayat, but as they say, NO PAIN, NO GAIN. Super enjoy ko talaga ang workout ko na boxing. It's the kind of workout that I enjoyed from the rest I've tried before like aerobics, zumba etc. Iba `yung feeling ng boxing for me! Aside from losing weight, I can feel that I'm getting stronger. So kapag may nakaaway ako, puwedeng-puwede ko nang jombagin at siguradong tulog! Chos lang! Hindi naman ako palaaway na tao.

And here's a proof that I at least shed a few pounds.

Left pic : 2013; Right pic is very recent. Taken from last week, Oct. 2015

                   
 You see that?! You see that?!! Damn! I look good! Lels. I'm gonna post a whole body picture next time and the difference between my former majubis body versus the body I have now. I still have a long waaaay to go cause right now, I cannot say that I've already achieved the body I've always wanted. Candice Swanepoel ang peg ko! Hashtag ambisyosa. Wahahaha! Pero malay naman natin, di ba? By January 2016 super sexy na ako! hashtag ambisyosa to the nth power.

'Till next chika!! :)

Nakakaloka!

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa , maiinis o maaliw ako sa dalawang taong nag-pm sa akin sa facebook.

Iyong isa, sa tingin ko naman, mas okay siya, kasi ang bungad sa akin, kung ako raw ba writer ng *Once…* ng Precious Hearts Romances. Sinagot ko naman ang tanong niya at itinama ang maling title na binigay niya. Ang nakakaloka lang, after no’n nagtanong na ng mga personal questions. And I was like, “wow, makatanong parang close friends kami,” but anyway, since I’m generally nice to people, sinagot ko pa rin ang mga personal question niya.

Tapos iyong isa namang nag-pm sa akin, nagulat naman ako kasi, personal question agad ang tanong, eh ang kaso mo, first time lang siya nag-pm sa akin at never naman kaming nagkausap kahit sa mga status ko sa fb, never naman siyang nag-comment. Tapos ibubungad sa akin, personal question? Natawa na lang ako kaysa mainis. And again, since I’m generally a nice person, sinagot ko pa rin ang personal na tanong niya.

Hindi naman ako mataray sa mga nagpi-pm sa akin, unless boys ang magtatanong ng personal questions, naiirita talaga ako. LOL. Anyway, napapaisip din ako. Bakit bigla na lang ako tatanungin ng mga personal na bagay, eh, hindi naman kami magkakilala? Puwedeng mag-ice breaker muna? Ang weird lang kasi na tatanungin ako ng mga tanong na, “ taga-saan ka po? May asawa ka na ba?” etc.

Hello?! Reader at fan din ako ng mga writer pero sa natatandaan ko, never naman ako nagtanong sa mga idols ko about their personal stuffs. Kung may asawa na sila or ilan na ang anak. Kahit curious din ako, hindi ko naman itatanong ang bagay na iyon. Well, nalalaman ko rin ang ilang impormasyon sa kanila kapag madalas ko nang nakakausap. Sa tingin ko kasi hindi tama iyon lalo na at kung hindi naman kayo close ng taong tinatanong mo.

Haay, life. Tatawa na lang ako kaysa ang mairita.

Happy 2015!

Happy New Year, everyone! ^_^

Napansin kong kaunti lang ang blog entries ko for 2014... why, oh, why? Tamad much?

Hello! Bagong taon na naman! Ang bilis talaga ng panahon, tatanda na naman ako. phew!

Anyhoo...

It's not that I'm being ungrateful but I could say that my 2014 was not that GREAT (meaning, hindi siya kasing colorful ng mga ibang taon sa buhay ko.). I can't remember the highlight of my 2014. LOL. But of course, I'm very thankful of all the blessings I've received this year. I'm happy being happy with my family and friends. Pero alam mo `yung parang may kulang pero hindi mo alam kung ano `yung kulang na `yon. Basta parang ganon yung pakiramdam ko. At yung first ever out of the country travel ko sana ay napurnada! Ayoko nang sabihin dito kung bakit, kasi medyo nakakainis lang din alalahanin.

Oh yeah, the nice thing about last year was that I was able to have 2 approved manuscripts! Masaya ako na na-achieved ko `yan bilang dakilang tamad akong magsulat. But the sad thing was, I did not have a published book for 2014. Medyo umasa ako na mare-release na si Micky before December ends pero waley pala. Anyway, okay na rin iyon at least, sabi ko nga may aabangan akong dalawang nobela sa 2015. At sana magdadagan pa `yan.

THIS 2015...
 
Hindi ako mahilig gumawa ng new year's resolution kasi alam ko naman na hindi ko magagawa, but this time, I wanted to take actions on the NY's resolution I'm going to make this year. *crossing fingers*. I will try my best to lose weight because I'm so overweight na. Imagine, inabot na ako ng 71 kilos no'ng last time mag-check ako ng timbang. Nakakaloka. Ayokooooo nitooooo! Huhu. Kaya naman, I enrolled in a gym. Sabay kami ng friend ko. At nakakatuwa ang workout na pinili namin kasi feeling ko maa-achieved ko ang katawang Adriana Lima o Candice Swanepoel. Wow! Ambisyosa ko lang. Pero malay mo naman kung masisipag talaga ko, di ba? Basta, I'm happy naman sa napili kong workout. Kakaririn namin `to ng friend ko. Haha! Kapag ako pumayat, HU U sila sa aking lahat! LOL.

And I wish to write more novels this year. haha! wish me luck! Sisipagan ko talaga magsulat ngayon kahit weekdays, kasehodang mapuyat pa ako. XD And please pray for Yuan's story to be approved. I've already started writing his story with Cassie. :)

-- I hope to be more patient with people. Most of the time, people are annoying, eh. At wish ko rin na mas tumibay pa ang relationship ko kay God. 

Ay oo nga pala, I'm looking forward to the concerts I'm gonna be attending on March! Weee~!

I'm wishing everyone with a happy, fun-filled, exciting, adventurous and more love 2015! :D

Iyon lang, bye!

p/s ilang beses ko na sinabi yang paglu-lose weight na `yan at pagsulat ng maraming novels na kinalalabasan naman kada taon, nganga! LOL. Magbagong-buhay ka na, Yaney!

Hello, December!

Uh-huh. Please be good to me!

Ya know what, isa ito sa mga buwan na gusto at ayaw ko at the same time. Gusto ko siya in a sense na it's Christmas time. Ang ayoko, yung obligasyon kong magbigay ng regalo sa mga inaanak. Bakit ba kasi ako tumanda at nagkaroon ng mga inaanak?! wtf. Good thing, kakaunti lang ang mga inaanak ko at wala pa naman akong plano na dagdagan. Ang gastos kaya! LOL.

Anyway, magtatapos na ang taon, yung story ni Micky at Marla ay hindi pa rin lumalabas. I'm not sure if it's going to be published this year. Baka nga next year na. Okay lang din naman, At least may dalawang nobela akong aabangan na ma-release sa 2015. Ang nakakalungkot lang isipin ay wala akong publish book ngayong 2014! Gaaaah! Pero as if naman marami ang nag-aabang ng nobela ko, `no? Haha!

Ang wish ko ngayong Disyembre, makapagsimula na ako ng bagong nobela. Ang balak kong sulatin ay iyong istorya naman ni Yuan (Jaeden's best friend. At may-ari ng Yuan's Coffee Shop kung saan nagta-trabaho si Louise bilang pastry chef.) Sana masimulan ko na siya sa weekend! Sana hindi ako tamarin. Lol. Pero mas masayang mag-marathon ng Game of Thrones. Pramis. Nakakaadik manood ng GoT. Season 2 pa lang ako. Sana matapos ko rin agad-agad.

Wala na akong ibang maisip na sabihin dito... Ayyy oo nga pala! Iyong isang kaibigan ko ay lilipad na patungong Japan bukas. I'm so #inggit. Mga 90 days siya roon. Ang bongga diba! Ako nangangarap pa lang makapunta ng Japan. I wish... someday.... SOON!

Iyon lang. Bye!

To Dream The Impossible Dream

credit: tumblr

Sometimes I am amazed at myself for loving someone so much who doesn't even know I exist. Sometimes I wonder if it's just my fangirl heart talking or the real me. Pathetic much, huh? But I just love and adore him so much I don't think I can ever love and adore a man as much as I love and adore him. I think I'm going to spend my life alone. Lol! This is getting so pathetic. I better shut up now.